Season 3 Episode 5 Talking with Melodie Schnardthorst about living on and off of Kauai, persevering through years of school while working and raising kids, and learning to be by yourself and be happy alone!

I feel so fortunate that I was able to finally sit down and interview melody and hear her story. Melody and I worked together for almost two years. And I just really enjoyed talking to her. And as things came out about her life, I realized she had a special story to tell. Her story is one of just incredible perseverance of learning how to be alone, of continuing to push to set a model for your children, of overcoming your situation, being willing to change. And the persistence part is really what amazes me because she put herself back in school while she was raising her children as a single mom. And she had a full time job. And she did this for eight years, and went all the way through college until she got her master's degree. She's got a great life now and a great job. And I see how hard she fought to get it. And I just really admire what she went through and how she overcame it.So it's a great story. It's a great chat. And it involves some interesting things about Hawaii,which I one of the really fun things about melody is she spent some of her life actually a lot of her life on the island of Hawaii. And it's just really interesting to hear how that how that went for her. So thank you so much melody for doing this. I had a great time. And I know you guys will too. Thanks. Hello,and welcome back to the story human. I'm Lynne Thompson, and I have with me today, my guest melody Scharnhorst. She's got quite the name and quite the story. I used to work with her until very recently. And we always just love to talk. And the more I learned about her,the more I wanted her to share on the story of human melody has been with Verizon for five years. And for the last two years, she has been a principal engineer, she works in the data Risk Management Area. Before that she worked for the defense industry. She has a really interesting story to tell and I can't wait to share it with you.Part of Melody's story starts in Hawaii, which always made me really intrigued. Can you tell me a little bit about what that was like your time growing up in Hawaii? First of all, welcome again.Thank you. Well, growing up in Hawaii, well, the first time I lived in Hawaii was when I was really young. And my dad was in the military. So we were on a military base. And so it was really interesting. It was in the 60s in the late 60s and so it really wasn't acceptable to be a white person in Hawaii at that time. And so but I had a good time I was really really young. And you know going down to the beach being at the beach was really cool. And in my later years when I came back as a teenager it was really cool growing up deal really wasn't very cool to be a white person until you got in or ingrained into the culture and everything but I went to high school there you know learned how to surf was a beach bum like everybody else you know it's everything is you know there when you get into the culture and everything it's everything is about family who's really funny because you start calling everybody causing Auntie uncle they're not even related to you and just out of respect you call everybody Auntie hi Auntie Hi uncle and Miko people cousin. And if you're not really close to them, you don't call them cousin, but anybody that is an adult and you're close to you. They're always your anterior uncle, even if they're not your relatives, and none of them were my relatives but I did end up marrying my high school sweetheart and we had three children. My children were born and raised on the island of kawaii my oldest boy still lives there and his wife and my one of my grandsons. Kawaii is the northernmost island. So it's very rural. It's you know,nothing like when everybody thinks about Waikiki or anything else To drive all the way around the island, you go to one side,and then you have turn around go back the other way. Yeah, it's very different from when I grew up. When I was growing up on kawaii, they still had the sugarcane fields, you'd be driving on the road, and they'd still have the big trucks, we call them the cane trucks, and they had all the fuel the hot charcoal burning cane to bring them to the sugarcane mill,leaving all the debris on the roads, and they'd have the,they'd be burning the fields,and they'd have all the ash flowing, you know, flying everywhere, but they never gated off any of the fields. And so when, when we were when the weekends and stuff, we'd always go riding around in the cane fields. And that's what we call them the key fields. And there were some of them that lead back into the mountains. And there were, you know, mountain streams, and not really rivers,there were some places that, you know, places where we, we would go and they were really places that were used for irrigation for the sugarcane field, we just play in the ponds, and it was very country like, living, you know, we be jumping off stuff and doing crazy things that kids do. Sounds wonderful. Um, one of the things we do, and it's really funny, they've commercialized it now on kawaii,where you can actually float down it in these tubes. But before they commercialized it,we were doing that as kid and it's a cement flume that goes down and it was built like in the late 1800s To bring irrigation water down from the mountains on kawaii and it's a cement flume that come down comes down from the mountains it down into the cane fields. And if you go to quiet now you have to pay money. You get into these inner tubes and you float down and stuff. But we were already doing that back in the day, and we didn't pay any money to do it. But we did things that weren't allowed safety wise. But yeah, the end some of the stuff they do commercialize Now like with the you can go on an ATV ride, you know, on these roads and stuff. But now they do that commercial life there too. Well,we were already doing that. And we did this stuff they stuff that we were doing you can't do because it's not safe. But But yeah, there's and we would make bonfires on the beach. You know,it was just fun. We did all sounds.It sounds so fun. It sounds like such a fun and free way to grow up. It really does.Yeah, but there's, you know,there's downsides to it, there's nothing really to do other than to get into trouble. You know,we get into trouble. You know,there's basically really, it's after a while it's you know, you do the same stuff over and over and over and over. And of course, you know, you end up you know, underage drinking and under age, you know, everything.Pregnancy, just a lot of the bad stuff happens. And because there's there's no nothing else to do. There's, there's no higher education, there's a community college, but there's not a lot of encouragement for that. There's no really industry other than tourism, you know,there's the not a lot of opportunities. So there's not really anything, anything to strive for. And the cost of living is really high. And so a lot of kids don't really even think about doing anything with their lives. You know what I mean?That must be so hard. You don't see a future. Yeah.So to be where I am today is, is another story.Well, that's why I'm so impressed with you. And I wanted to tell your story, because I feel like you climbed out of that. And you just kept on going. You just kept on doing things I did. And I like to know why. Like, how did you do all that? So how long were you like how did you get off the island?Well, I lived on kawaii for 32years. Oh, I didn't realize it was that long. Yeah, it was that long. I don't want to get into too much of the personal stuff,but I don't really I got tired of it. I did I got a divorce.And I had three young children and I just one day I wouldn't say one day just wanted more for my kids because in my younger life before I ended up on kawaii I knew that there was more because I was born on the mainland here. For us when boy called the mainland, I knew that there was more my daughter who was my youngest, she knew more,knew more because she was in her competitive. She was a competitive cheerleader, and she had done some traveling for competitions on in Florida and then California. So she had seen more. And then I sent her as, as well as my middle son to the Washington DC, you know, senior trip. And so they had experienced, you know, hey, wow,there's this whole nother world,on the, on the mainland on the continental US. And so they were intrigued. And so even before that time before, all of that reality hit them while they were in, my daughter was in grade school. And my younger son was in high school, I had decided to go back to college because I tried to go back to college while I was married, and that was not working out. And so I decided to go back to college.And when I went back to college,itis I finished my liberal arts Associate's degree. And then I just kept going, I got my bachelor's degree. And this is while staying on Kalai.I imagine with three little kids, well, they weren't little,but they were still, they needed supervision. Yeah,they still they still needed supervision. That's not easy without kids.And so my oldest son had decided to go back and live with his father. And there were reasons for that, but not reasons because he just had preferred to live with his dad. It wasn't because he hated me. It was just that he was older and he was used to live in with Zach was a man thing probably right be with a man, you know, your dad, but it was more because when from when he was a baby, he had stayed with his grandparents. And that's where his dad was living in. So but anyway, so my employ two younger kids were used to me and my authoritarian life. And it is,it's fun. But there's, so I went so so I went back to school, and I kept my kids in sport. They that was the way that I kept them in a structured life. Yeah,good. And they I mean, it was hard, because and while I was in college, and my kids were in sports, and in school, I also took a very active role in their sports. So I always was either somehow a team mom or fundraising mama, bear person.While my younger son was in high school, I was actually the president of the booster club and in charge of over $40,000 A year of raising $40,000 a year for their team. Yikes.Now, how did you do all that?And sleep like, how did you find time to sleep?When I worked full time, too.Oh, my gosh. So yeah, so I don't know it looking back all of that. I don't know. I don't know. However, I did it. And the thing is, is that I went to my Bachelor's was every Friday night, and all day on Saturdays,so I couldn't even see their like games. When they were in Pop Warner. I could go to their games on Sundays. But I couldn't go to the Saturdays. If they had a game on Saturday, I couldn't go. And when my son started playing high school, by the time my son started playing high school game to my, my daughter was cheering for high school. I could go sometimes, but then I not. When I finished my bachelor's. I started taking my master's degree. You didn't stop you just kept going.I didn't stop I can. So it's like I went on to become a doctor because I went completely. I did over over eight years of college straight.I admire you so much. What kept you going? I mean that is not easy. But my kids and setting an example of Showing them that's so cool to showing them that you can you can accomplish this and that it's very important to even late in life that have been being driven and accomplishing can make you have, you know, by getting an education and can make you can move you forward.And keeping being committed to something can improve your life and change your own life. That's what you showed them that is so powerful.You showed them, you can change your own life, this is how you do it. You are modeling for them, how to be committed, but eight years is a long time to be committed to something and that is very admirable.Yeah, and my kids, you know,they didn't end up none of my kids worked in the tourism,industry. They all ended up having a job. In the summertime,and even part time after school when they weren't in sports.There were times they got in trouble. Not gonna lie. That's but you know, they they didn't end up you know, my oldest son didn't go to college. My daughter didn't go to college right away and when a younger son did because he got a scholarship to play college division two football, but and he went to college in Colorado.Wow. No, he didn't. And he messed up when he was at college. And he's been on a Rock Road ever since. And I'll just continue with his story. And he's had a rough road. And he's in his mid 30s Now, but now he's doing what I did in my 30s. And he's, he has he has a bachelor's degree. And he did that in his20s. But he's never really done anything with it. Now, he's, you know, he's finally settling down. He's kind of been a gypsy and I told you that he'd taken jobs and was fishing in the Bering Sea.That's amazing. I know what an adventure. That was crazy. Well,it's fun to write. It's really brutal. It's brutal. And he's finally realized, okay, it's too brutal.Yeah, but you get paid well, and it was an adventure, that's for sure. Well, okay, he's over the adventure. But, but it was a stepping stone for him, you know, just just like all the other stuff. And so his that company started him on the path of certifications. And this will lead me into another stepping stone for me after college for me. So in so he, he got a bunch of certifications that he needed to get his promotion, this last set of contracts that he did for the Bering Sea. He had to get a bunch of certifications in order to get that promotion for his last set of contracts. And I believe I told you about that.When he got the promotion and he went out as the medical officer and everything that I told you that was crazy. So when he came back in after being out at sea for 260 days,that's a long haul. Yeah, out in the Bering Sea.I can see Russia, Bering Sea.It's pretty lonely out there in that cold ocean, you know, you can't see anything but water.And you know, the Orca is a pretty well, I bet that I would love that. I love whales.Yeah. And but, of course, you know, part of the year it's just dark. And oh, wow. But the certification set him on a path,you know, just like my college set me on a path. And so he came back here to recover and I don't blame him over the holidays. And then he went back home to Florida, of course. Who would want to stay in Texas when you can go to Florida right.And near the beach does he does he live near the ocean?Yeah, he lives in Miami. Water person. Of course. He grew up on an island. But he his company paid for him to do some to two certifications. They're very important certifications. So he's, he's gotten something like I lost count somewhere around 12certifications so far. And he asked me to redo his resume.It's really funny, because I just picked the template off of Google. And I kind of just, you know, read. Did you just fill it in? Right? Yeah. And I just filled it in. And he's like, Oh,mom, that list looks so professional. He doesn't realize it just picked a template.Right, but, and then he's taking these last two certifications.And he's already getting an interest, an interest from the Coast Guard, and Everon in this other company that does a water taxi, and he won't have to go back out for you know, long periods of time. So, yeah, so he's really excited to finish up all the serve. And that's, and that leads, you know, that's the kind of example because when he was here, the slack farmer had a conversation with him and said,you know, told him some stories about because while I was on kawaii, and I was going to call her tonight, and I was working for the state there, there was,you know, that was the thing, if you could work for the state,then, you know, anyways, so when the working for the state was okay, and it was bent, had a lot of benefits and everything. But it wasn't, it was what I thought was the best thing. But once I finished my master's degree, I was like, Well, I gotta do something better than this.Right? Yeah. And so that's when I went into the defense industry. And everybody was like, oh, you know, they're the local population was like, oh,no, you know, you don't want to do that, or at the end of a contract, you're unemployed. And so they didn't even understand how it worked. They didn't understand that, you know, the contract after contract, there's the renewal or you move to another contract. Yeah, sure.You could end up on unemployed but in most cases, you just move from one contract to the next contract to the next contract.Usually something else, right.They didn't move you because they always need the work. Right. And they know you're, you're good. And you'll do it. So they just move you.You're not good. That's when you need out of there. Yeah. If you mess up, that's when, but it's very expensive in the defense industry for them to they have to pay for you to be processed to get a clearance. Oh, yeah,that's yeah, a lot of people don't realize it's not like, you get processed, it doesn't cost money. The company paid 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of dollars to get you processed through the government to get your clearance. And so, yeah, that's something Yeah. The once you get your clearance, they kind of just say goodbye.They want to use you. Yeah, my husband got a secret clearance and it was kind of a big deal. I didn't realize they paid for it.Yeah. He's a subcontractor for the army. Yeah. Works for a subcontractor for the army at Picatinny Arsenal.Yeah, they don't. Yeah, they paid for that. So they don't want to Yeah,they're gonna keep him. Yeah.Or, you know, or somebody will pick him up because they, once you get it, another company will pick you up because now they don't have to pay for it.Yeah, I see that a lot in tech writer jobs where they they want you to have a secret clearance.Right? Yeah. So once I got into the I first got hired, and they processed me and I got my clearance because it was easy to get a clearance because on kawaii you don't get in trouble. Like, trouble you get into a big city because there's nothing going on on kawaii I mean, yeah, I got a ticket from my classmate because I was speeding in the 25 mile an hour, so I was going 40 You know, okay. All right. All right, Mark, you needed your quota.That's a big happened. Right.Okay, Mark, I'll forgive you.You sat next to me in Social Security, social studies, but okay. All right. I mean, you know, everybody cuz yeah, so,but, um, so I told my son when he was back here that before he started getting the certifications that I told him when I started for the defense industry, that was the key. When they hired me, they started paying for all of these certifications. And so I just started racking up all these certifications because they needed me to get all these certifications in order for them to be able to have somebody on the island because it was cheaper for them to pay for me to get all these certifications to do all of these things for them on the island, and they weren't paying me as much as if they were to hire someone in the mainland and have to move them to the island. So and I told him, so get the certifications,you already have the college,the College degree, even though you don't have the college degree in marine science, you already have a college degree and you have the work experience and you get the certifications,you can build on it. Yep. That those are the key pieces. And so he was like, Really, I'm like,Yeah, and so that's what that's my story, that that's the key to my story is how I went from leaving our CLI. And was, I started just making that one key decision of, I didn't want my kids to grow up not really not living on kawaii but I wanted them to have a foundation of knowing that they, they were better than just going to high school. And and just having a menial job of working at Jamba Juice. Yes. And going, you know that they could do better than that. Even on even on being on CLI.You saw more for them. Yeah. And you were doing more for you. So you set a good example. Yeah. So initially, I did Stan, quite. I,I did Stan CLI for defense. I did. I worked for two defense contractors on on CLI. And in doing so, I my oldest son ended up getting a part time contractor job at the military base, which I didn't get him the job. I got him the piece of paper application. Yeah. who apply for the job. And I walked him through it, and told him how to fill it out and it and answered his questions. And told it and because he wanted to be a chef, not I didn't discourage him from being a chef. I said you can still go cook or chef for whatever at the restaurant you're working at. But go work part time doing this security job at at the base, because you're going to make way more money per hour, then you are going to do this chef job. You want to marry your girlfriend.Yeah. And this job, doesn't have any benefits to it. Your chef job does. But you're going to be able to pay for that ring with this security job. And today he's a sergeant for that security force on that military base is a great start. Yeah, so he decided to not he's a great chef for us as a family.That's great. That's good.But he decided that the that the career choice was to stay was the take of when a full time job came up. He applied for it and got in because he was already a part time contract on this.Yeah. And it's always from you.Yeah. Well, it was his choice. I didn't vote for him. I just told him he was gonna afford her wedding.But you Yeah, you you set a goal. Like you said, you have goals and you'll meet them easier if you do this.Yeah. And then, and then my, my daughter, she was you know, she was a cheerleader. And that's a funny story. And so, you know,not to make fun of cheerleaders.But you know, they're all about makeup and in hair. Oh my gosh,believe me. Do not ever think cheerleading is an easy thing.It's a sport. Get it? It is not an a cheerleading mom, I give you kudos. I did it for 13years. I got curling hair Are the gymnastics practice the dance practice the fundraisers,the travel, the worrying about if the curled hair doesn't touch the shoulders in competition and whether or not if they're a flier whether or not they're going to get caught if they're going to get a broken bone or if they're going to fall and end up in the hospital or my daughter,were you stuff? Yeah.My daughter was a bass. She came home with black eyes. She came hard. Yeah, my daughter. It's brutal. It's a brutal sport.She's I have heard that and you have to be amazingly physically fit. It's a real sport.Oh, yeah. Did the weightlifting they did it? Yeah.throw themselves around so much.Yeah, you got to be strong.Yeah.So I give cheerleading moms and cheerleaders, kudos I did. I was there for 13 years. I know all about it. So my daughter, you know, in graduating from high school and everything, she was like, Oh, Mom, I want to open my salon and bla bla bla, and I'm okay, fine, I'll support you100%. Go to college and get a business degree. And when you're done, I actually will finance you, I will go through the business, you'll have to apply for your Small Business Administration loan. And we will go through the process together.And I'll be 100% there for you.And she didn't want to go to college and blah, blah, blah,and all this kind of stuff. Now,this one, I did get her the job.I walked her in. I did. But she she had gotten she worked for Jamba Juice during high school and stuff. That was fine with me. So but after after high school, I I told her okay,you're gonna go and apply. For the credit union. She was she came home. She says, Mom, I want to apply for the job at the credit union. I says what credit unions told me which Gregory night Oh, I used to work there.It's funny, because I went to work for that same credit union right after I gave birth to her.Like she was only a couple months old. And I went to work.I used to go home at lunchtime and breastfeed her. Wow. And so I said, Okay, to the lady. That was I think she was vice vice president or something I forget.She gave birth that about a month or so before me. And her parents live quite so small.Anyway, so we knew each other,and her parents had lived down the street from my daughter's grandparents and whatever. But anyway, so we knew each other.And when in we went in, got the application, but and she happened to be in the lobby. And so I introduced my daughter to her and she said, Oh, are you apply? And my daughter said yes,she was Oh, come over here now interview. And so my daughter got the job. And so, you know,but I didn't like it was obvious, though, that, you know,it was because of, but anyways,so she became a teller at the credit union. She said, you know, none of my kids worked in the tourist industry. My other son was away at college in Colorado. I did have a another son. He was never my biological son. But he did live with us in while he was in high school,because he wasn't my biological son. He wanted to go with my other son to Colorado to go to high school, go to college, and he could also play football with my son, but I couldn't sign his card paper. I could sign anything for high school because it was quite Yeah. Everybody knew me. And everybody knew the situation. Everything there was like no problem. He was homeless. When he came to live with me. He was failing in school and he was really like,really bad. When he came to live after he came to live with me.He went to honor roll, and oh my god, that's great. Yeah, and he did really, really good to didn't go away or college with my son. He decided not to continue living with me and he went back to live with his dad and he went in a bad direction.And I saw him I saw him around his. His 18th birthday was in October. So, you know, he, my son's birthday is in February.So my son was already 18 When they it was already 18 when they graduated, and then so one year had passed and my son in him, so I chose it during the summer.And then my son had already gotten back to college. And then so I saw him when, right around the time he turned 19 in October. This is hard to say. So So one month later around Thanksgiving. He crashed.And he died. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.Yeah. Yeah. Was one month,little over one month after his90th birthday. That's such a tragedy.I am so sorry.Yeah, he was just like my son was lost. That's so that's so.It's just so sad when someone dies that young.Yeah, he was. I have this picture over here.So he was definitely not my child. But can you see that?Oh, beautiful, handsome, guys.So that shirt I bought that's the shirt. I bought for him to go to prom it What a nice smile. Yeah,so and then his brother who's one year older than him. wore that too. You know? Yeah. When When, when the funeral happened,the real mom showed up with her boyfriend they had left him,they abandon him. And two, she had two children from her.Whatever, I think was that guy that that she showed up with and they had moved to Maine. And they left him behind. And he came to live with me and his dad. His dad was there. And I knew him. But he had PTSD from from Vietnam. So he wasn't capable of taking care of him.He used to come all the time.And he would give me fish and he would give his son you know,money. And he was talking all the time. But the he knew he couldn't take care of him. You know, and he had a job.He said it just the whole thing is so sad. And how could you abandon your child like that? I don't understand. But she showed up at the funeral. And, and then they didn't let me sit in the front. Like I was sitting in the front me my daughter was sitting in the front. Like we were the battery. And they she had the funeral director actually come and ask us to move and say this is really this is for the family.So she wouldn't recognize that you were the family?Nope. She made us move. Oh, so sorry. Made it even sadder. I made a slideshow and I had the my laptop and it was showing and everybody came like the football coach was supposed to do the eulogy. He couldn't even talk became up there. And then he couldn't even talk. Because I still call him my friend. So my son used to work for him for construction. And he couldn't even talk he broke down and cried. This is bagel guy, big ol Italian guy and he couldn't even talk. And so I had written something just I was going to talk to and but he was going to talk though I didn't talk like I went up there and I read what I was going to say. And of course I was crying during the whole thing. But but then yeah, it was the whole the whole thing was just so unreal. was just like it was faked. Like it was a dream.Right when you when you first have to move through that you just can't even believe it's happening.Yeah. When when it first happened. The when the phone call came in came from my neighbor down the street. She she called. And I answered the phone and she's just she's, she said to me, you know, and she said she said oh, I just wanted to let you know because she told me her son came home and told told her and she just I don't know really remember much of the, the what she said. But all I know is that because I remarried and all I remember is that my daughter and my husband at the time helping me, because I apparently, Flora, and my daughter had the phone in her hand and I heard her saying,Who's this? And then she started crying. Didn't she hung up the phone? She's a mom, are you a pair your candy got me and sit down on a chair. And I didn't even I couldn't remember anything. And then I realized what what? What happened? And I started crying. My daughter just kept saying to me, Mom, I never want to hear you scream like that again.The way it? Yes, I have done that in my life. Yes, that is horrible. Yeah, I didn't get that news. You can't control it.Yes. I don't remember screaming though. Yeah, it's just a gut.It comes from the bottom of your gut. That's what happened when my mother died. It was very sudden. And it was a big, huge shock. And I got the phone call and I just couldn't control myself. I just sank to my knees like you did. And I called out and I, I cried. I don't know, I always thought when you got news like that, that you would cry quietly or something, or you would have to process it, but I just cried out, you know, I just cried out, like, I just, I've never felt anything like that.Yeah, to this day. I don't remember. I don't know how that what that scream is. And I remember, to this day, my daughter tells me about it.She's the mommy. I never want to hear you know,they still remember it. But um,yeah.Yeah, a terrible loss. Way too soon to lose somebody.But you know, it's it's, it shook my family. It shook my family. It, it created. It shook them so hard that it it moved.It was a paradigm shift in in my in with my kids. And me. And it caused a big change. Wow. I mean, in in my family, it was not too much longer after that,that I got divorced again and left the island. Oh, my gosh. So it is kind of connected. It was it. It kicked off something in all of you.Yeah, I decided I did not want to stay there anymore. I decided that I that I wanted, I needed to just that there was nothing more. There was nothing left already. My daughter. What I waited until my daughter graduated from high school. As I at that time, I was working for my second contractor for defense. I applied within that.That company and I got a job in California. And I was that was huge. Because I was like, oh my god, I'm moving to this gigantic city. And there's part of me that was like, yes, nobody's gonna know me. I can do whatever I want. And nobody know me.Nobody's gonna care. And at the same time, there was this other part of me that was scared shitless of course,that's a huge change. Now, did you go to LA? I went to San Jose, San Jose.So you went to Northern? Yeah.So either way. It was like going to a foreign country.That's a big populated area.I've been there. Yep. So how do I put this? So So where do you live?You live in New Jersey? Yeah.Okay, so Well, you don't have an NFL team, right? So we don't Well, neither does Hawaii. So.So if you were to look at okay,I'm not gonna say what NFL team I'm, I am but if you were to look at an NFL so I'm gonna stay neutral. But let's just say that the team i i support is in the Super Bowl. Okay, and there were a green. But so. So if you look at an NFL stadium, right, one pie of the upper section is the population of color. I like God, what an image is the permanent population of color Okay, yeah, we're talking on a whole other scale.Right? You were moving somewhere where it was just crazy, right?Lots more people. Nobody calling you cousin.Nobody's calling me cousin. But the weird thing about it is, by the time I left San Jose, my first husband was living two and a half hours from me, gosh, on the mainland. He lived it. He had remarried and moved to Modesto.That's so crazy.Yeah. My daughter was very upset about that whole situation, but not about living close to me,but him remarried. Yeah. I did go see him too. But it had to be in secret because his his new wife didn't like me. Normal, but but at least the kids were a little closer, right.I know. I've moved to San Jose by myself. But you did.And your daughter stayed behind.Everybody else stayed on Kawhi.And you wait till she graduated from high school. That makes sense. Yeah. Wow. No wonder you were scared. So it was just you? It was just me all by myself. I ran away. Yeah, it might. Yeah. So my middle son was still in Colorado.Oh, see. I see. You when you were he had. He was. He was still in a he had he was he was still in Colorado. And my oldest son and my daughter was were on kawaii.Yeah. So I ran away from home.And you started a whole new life. That is not an easy thing.A whole new life in a new place.Yeah, and here, here, I'll even I'll even add that. So I moved there. I think I turned I had my I had moved there within six months of moving there. I bought my bought a sports car. That's cool. Well, I had already ordered it while I was on Kalai.It was a you had to order them because they were limited. Their Saturn skies. I don't know if anybody remembered those. So I had ordered them. And originally it was supposed to have been delivered to coli. But I had ordered it from Santa Rosa dealership. So it was really funny. So I was in San Jose and I, they called me and they said oh, you know your your data and Skye is going to be delivered to the to us in two weeks. And I said oh, I need to change the the place for it to be delivered to and they said okay, where do we where do you want it delivered? Final Destination. I said to your dealership in Santa Rosa said Oh, really? And I said yeah. And I'll drive up and get it.Wow, that's so cool. So you had ordered it ahead of time. And it didn't have to go all the way to Hawaii.Oh yeah. You it there was a nine month waiting lists.Things are different out on an island. Yes.No, no patterns guys had a waiting list because they it was it was all type of car. Yeah,they were limited editions.There was only so many made in a year. They weren't mass produced.So you went to Santa Rosa and picked up your gorgeous car.That did and mine was fully loaded with red and red and black and stitched seats. Five these big Yep. I Yep. I got three tickets. Because it was Yeah, so I'm in San Jose, I had my sports car I had to learn how to be alone.I had oh that's big. Yeah, that is big.I had to learn it was very hard.I went through a huge crisis. I didn't know how to shop for one uh wasted a lot of food.That makes sense because you were always part of a community a family you always cooking for others and yeah, it's a huge change. And and to also just be content by yourself. That's not a small thing.Yeah, I didn't know how to be alone. I didn't know how to be up. A party of one. I didn't know how to do that. I didn't know how to be okay, with just me.So how did you deal with that?How did you learn that? Because you're obviously comfy now with yourself?Um, I? I don't know, you know, I know, but I don't know. It was,it was a lot. I mean, I, I'd have to say that. It was the I went through a lot of codependency things, you know,trying to look for answers in relationships. Oh, yeah. Going to bars and trying to, you know,latch on to finding things. I think there's a lot of commonality and people that do that. Yeah. And I don't know, a lot of things I, I see people doing now, I can see that I did before. Yeah. When I was trying to find myself, it, you know, I still call a friend of mine that I knew while I was on a climb.And I used to just talk to him for a long, long time. And he was a programmer for me on my contracts. And I never told him what was going on, I go up at the top of one is the hill that have looked out, and like stay up there. And with the top down on my convertible sports cars,and I, I just talked to him, and it'd be a long time, often. And he would just gab and gab and gab with me. And but it was all you know, just trying to, to not be alone. Yeah, there's a lot of lonely people trying to figure out how to do it. And, and it's that mental illness and that,that, what that's what people don't realize is mental illness.People don't want to be alone.No, they, and they don't know how to be alone because they go from an extreme situation, to an to, like, like I did, they go from being in a, in a, in a situation where, like, for me, I went from a multifamily living situation to Being Well, first of all, I went from, in my first marriage, I went from a very abusive situation, to turn from trying to find a stable situation, to looking for a way to figure things out and only only see, I can look back and see all these things, right. At the time. I I just, I just fell right into another relationship was, which was looking back was because I was codependent and,you know, expose my kids to another stupid situation with you know, I tried to in and out,try to get out and then eventually ended up at at the end, you know, when they finally were old enough to go out on their own. And then I just abandoned everybody and ran away, basically. Yeah. And then I and then I had to figure everything out for myself. And I never did live with anybody ever again. I have never lived with anybody ever again. I tried to live with somebody for a little while. Um, when I went back to Colorado when my dad was sick,and it was a disaster. You just couldn't do it. It was a total disaster. And I I've never said I that was probably a three month stint. And I have never and I never will in a relationship way live with anybody ever again. Never.And that's No, I'm fine with it.I I admire that about you.You're very much content with being by yourself and you have friends and family and you're good and it's because I have I had to learn how to be like that. If if I could tell anybody in anything, it is that you don't be afraid to not be alone. I mean If you go to therapy, if anybody tells you and I've absolutely had people tell me,you have to go to therapy, go see a therapist, a therapist is never going to tell you how to fix him thing. There. They don't fall into that. When people tell you to go see the therapist,don't waste your money. Don't waste your money. I'm telling you right now, because I'm a recovering alcoholic. And I'm one year a little over one year sober. I was very productive.And you've known me for over a year, too. You didn't even know it. Wait, productive.I know, some people are I get it. Yeah. But and part of my reason for drinking was mainly it got really bad because of the pandemic. But it was, you know,I drank before the pandemic, but it just got really bad because of the pandemic, then I think there's a lot of people I just chose to stop for you. Good for you. Yeah, because I just, you know, I thought okay, to pandemics Overall this slow down. You know what, I couldn't just slow down. I just had to stop. And I don't want and I don't feel guilty about it. I don't sure you.Yeah, you're strong. You are some people. Some people can try to make you feel guilty about it. But you know, don't let them make you feel guilty about it.Because there's nothing wrong with it. But going back to being alone, there's no reason for for anybody to make you feel like you have to have somebody in your life. I've had people telling me that. Why don't you go get a boyfriend or you know,hey, go to the bar. You know,there's good guys out there. Go to church. You know, go find somebody you're always alone.You know what? I even have my own son telling me Mom, you gotta get out of house. Why? Why do I need to get out of the house. I like my house,you take care of things. You were always doing some Do It Yourself thing when I talk to you at work. I mean, you are capable, competent, you don't need someone.Well, I'm gonna get out of the house. In fact, today, I just signed up for a woodworking fun all day workshop. And I am going to learn how to work a bandsaw.And sometimes, I gotta wait because the February class is full. But on March in March, I'm going to learn, I'm going to get to go to a class, where I'm going to make a multi wood chopping, cutting board. And I'm gonna learn how to use a router and a I know how to use these things, but I'm gonna learn how better to use them. bandsaw router into medicine. Cool. But so but anyways, my my message is, is that I've come a long way. both professionally and emotionally, mentally. And I,I've, I took myself through a lot of things. Because and a lot of people are, what I went through was really hard. It was easy. And I didn't a lot of it.I didn't do by choice. I didn't know when I went to when I was so like, I gotta leave coal. I'm running away. I gotta just go.There were a lot of misconceptions about what I was doing, you know, a lot of stupidity and everything. But I made I had already done it. And I had the job. I had a job that I went to the company paid for me to move they that was good. That was paid for me to they found me an apartment, they did everything and I lived in San Jose for seven years. I mean I did end up having a boyfriend but like I said nobody. I never lived with anybody. I learned to ride a motorcycle, and motorcycle for many, many years. I had one and then I bought a bigger one. I only last year sold my soul my right. I thought I would miss it more than I do. But sometimes I catch myself sitting in a chair,like I'm writing and I'm like,okay, maybe I miss it, but a little bit. So now you're in Texas. How did you get from California to Texas?Well, I moved from Northern to southern with the same company,okay. Because I wanted a promotion. And then I moved to Colorado because my dad was dying and I felt the need to be there. Then in the end, I realized I didn't. But then I went through a whole nother series of finding myself there.And I got a job offer for really big promotion. But I would have to leave the company and come to Texas and I had always said even when I was on kawaii, that I wanted to retire in Texas. And I had lived in Texas. When I was younger, my dad had retired from the Navy when he was in San Diego, and he had moved us to Texas, mid 70s. I liked it here in Texas. And I'd always wanted to come back. I had that had always been in my head and I always wanted to come back to Texas. So I see. I'm back in Texas. So you had a connection that makes sense. And your daughter lives nearby, right?Yeah, she I don't know why, I guess she does. Come here. But she wanted to leave kawaii she had, she just decided she wanted to leave coli. And I had while I was working for that other company, I had to have back surgery. And she came to visit for a month before I had surgery. And you know, we, we went around, she wanted to look around and I showed her some places that you know, there is big housing boom, they're building all this stuff. And I showed her around because she wanted to see. And then she came back for like three or four days while I had the surgery at and she brought her then boyfriend who's now her husband. And they stayed for like only three or four days. I went around with him for a couple of days. And they went to these other house things. And it was really strange. Because I the day I didn't go with them. They actually went to one place and they signed papers to build a house.Oh my gosh, that was fast. And I was like you don't even have a job here.And I was like you do this way on faith. And I said you didn't even apply for a job here. And she's like, Mom, I'm moving there. And I'm like, Okay,let's be nice to your clothes.It is but she did ended up getting a job here. And he he had got a job here too. So it did all work out. And recently this this past year, they did sell that house that they built and then moved into a bigger house. So bought a bigger house.Because she had a baby. That's so neat. So your grandma again, but yeah, so yeah. And she is close. And yeah. So and your one son is still back in Hawaii, right?Yes. And he has let me know that he's just waiting for his son. I have four grandsons and one granddaughter, oh my gosh. And three of my grandsons were born all in the same year. So they're, well, the oldest of those three just turned 17. So the other two are current 17this year. And then, of course the baby will turn one this month. And then my granddaughter just turned 14. So my son, he's waiting until his son graduates from high school, which is two more years. And then he's retiring from his job. As a sergeant. He's very young be retiring, but he says he's retiring because he doesn't want to do it anymore. Yeah. And then he's they're going to rent their house in kawaii and they're going to move to the mainland.It has to be on the coast somewhere. And there. It's going to be on the east coast because he doesn't want to live in California or in the north,west. So it's probably going to be somewhere it's probably going to end up being Florida because he asked to have a place to go fishing in his boat. So after two years, they're going to move over here. So everybody will be on the mainland.Yeah, and wherever my oldest son moves is that's it. I'm going to go have vacation over there will be good. Right? A built in vacation.Yeah. Because I want to go on his fishing boat.Yeah, that sounds like fun. I'm amazed by your journey. I knew some of it before we talked, but it speaks to, you know, somebody who has perseverance. Somebody who knows how to keep pushing on. You're You're the bomb. I mean, you really did do it? I did. And now you're I mean,you're, you know, you haven't mentioned you have a great job,you have a really good job at a really good company. And you're doing really well. So kudos to you. You figured it out?Yeah, I mean, in the message that really, I want ever if I could give a message? Yeah,everything that I've done is that, like I said, you know,nobody's going to tell you how to fix anything, you know, you can pay a million dollars over to anybody and they can't they don't have the answers for you.They don't you. If you can't go to a therapist, or you can't go to somebody who has a crystal ball, you can't do palm reader,anybody, nobody has that answer.You have to find it in yourself.You have if you feel alone, talk to somebody, tell them that you feel alone, but don't expect them to tell you how to not be alone, right? Just use them as a sounding board, talk it through found find somebody that will listen to you find somebody that's going to, you know,understand you and that's going to come to come or meet with you every Friday or every Monday or every Tuesday. And that's your friend that's going to listen to you that isn't going to argue with you isn't. And I had a friend like that here in Texas.She even when I was drinking,she used to come every Friday and listen to me and tell me how stupid I was. But there's nothing like a supportive friend. It's very true. Yeah,and then, you know, and, and,you know, a lot of times like for me, in California, I found something to do. I learned how to ride a motorcycle, and I would just ride my motorcycle fine in here in Texas. I am alone. And as you know, when I go to take apart something and I do like doing something right.You know, like I like I did for the umbrella. Like I told you, I cut the bottom half and then i i MacGyvered it back that they expect together and you know,fix something, find something that you can do. You know,that's good advice to to keep busy. Keep you know, but don't just do something to do it. Find something that you like to do you like Don't, don't listen to other people and say,Oh yeah, go to the bar drink.Don't just follow along, do something that you like to do.If you like to sit and crochet thing, get some yarn and crochet needles and sit in crochet. If you like to walk, go walk or go in and take a walk. If you like to go and listen to music. Go listen to music. You know what I mean? Just there's nothing wrong with that if you like, if if you like to just, there is nothing wrong with just doing what you like to do it. You don't have to go and join hands with somebody just to do what you want to do.Yeah, I like that advice. And you don't have to do it. You don't have to feel like you fit in to everything. I feel uncomfortable a lot of times because I do weird things. I really do. Like do to do to go.I'm gonna go I'm gonna go to a workshop. There's probably going to be a lot of man, because I'm gonna go learn how to tune up a wood planer.But see, this is such a great message. Be true to yourself.Find something you like to do,not what other people think you should do. That's excellent advice.Yeah, I mean, and don't be afraid to make a mistake. Don't be afraid to make a mistake.Don't be afraid to try something new. And then find out that you don't like it.That's good advice, too. Because if you don't make mistakes, then you're not moving. Right? You're not growing. Yep,you know, my grandson. A perfect example is my grandson comes over and helps me all the time.And I'm teaching him, I'm not teaching him. But in the beginning, I was teaching him but it now times. He's showing me what the stupid mistakes I'm making. But, you know, in the beginning, I was showing him what the differences between a wood screw and a machine screw and all this other kind of stuff. But now, it's, you know,we're putting up things or I'm showing it, showing them how,you know, let's rewire this plug or stuff. I do some pretty intense with home improvements.Yes, you do. But so we were doing some other stuff the other week. And we went to hang something, and I was telling him how to do it. And he looked at me and he says, grammar, that's gonna be cricket. And I have to be humble enough. Now, because he's smart enough, because I've taught them well enough that I have to be humble enough. And we have to learn how to be humble enough to say, Hmm, am I wrong?And? Or, do I really not like this? Am I really? Am I just following along with what people are saying? Or? Or, you know, or by? I really don't like this? Or am I? Is everybody just going to this thing, and I'm just gonna go just because everybody else is going? We got to be true to ourselves.You got to figure that out?Yeah. Because you're going to be more happy and more important,you're going to be content, more content, instead of just always restless. You know, I think people who are restless, haven't figured out what they like.Yeah, I've been in situations when I was trying to find myself where I went out with with, you know, one friend that I liked and ended up with a group of friends that she liked. And I felt so uncomfortable, but I still stayed. Yeah. And not enjoyed myself already, but still found myself going. Oh,hang on. Yeah, we're having a good time. But you know, in all actuality, I just wanted to run for the hills. Yeah, I've been there. But, you know, nowadays,if I was in that situation, I'd be like, by myself, I wouldn't even excuse myself. So I nowadays and and now and then you should know me by now. I'd be like, You guys are idiots.I'm leaving. I mean, I mean, you know, whatever term applied, but you know, there's a time to be cordial and say, Okay, guys, I'm leaving now. Goodbye. And there's times when you have to just tell people, you know what,you guys are out of line. And this is really not where I want to be. And I'm leaving. And yeah, and just there. Some sometimes it's just a dangerous situation and you just need to leave.You know, sometimes there are,you're right, there are some places you just got to get out.Yeah,be aware of where you are, what the social situation is, and don't just follow it. You can get into trouble them. Good luck. Nice.So melody, I admired you before,but now that I've heard your full story, I admire you even more. I just think you're pretty amazing and strong and you have a lot to teach people. I'm really glad you shared with us.I'm really grateful. Thank you.Don't be a stranger.I won't be and thank you again.Thank you. Bye bye. Bye. There.